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Bathhouse Virgin FAQ's

What exactly is a bathhouse anyway?

A bathhouse is a private club where gay and bi-sexual men can relax and unwind. Most clubs usually have the elements of a locker room, showers, steam & sauna facilities, hot tubs and private cubicles where sexual activity can take place free from the hassles of the outside world.

Bathhouses are also called: baths, steam baths, tubs, clubs and sauna clubs. In Europe they may be called "hammams" which is a Turkish word that means "steam bath." Occasionally the word "thermas" is used which is derived from a term the ancient Romans used for their public baths.

Are all bathhouses the same?

Positively not! The facilities and level of service at different bathhouses can vary greatly. Some are quite large and elaborate containing full gyms, swimming pools, outdoor patios, game rooms, TV lounges and even small café’s. Some contain 100’s of lockers or 100’s of rooms and can be very clean and well maintained. Other clubs are small, dirty, dreary and, frankly, not worth the effort. Every club, including clubs within the same “chain," can vary dramatically in size, scope and level of sexual heat.

I am afraid of getting in over my head. I’m not a “gay orgy” type of guy.

First off, “orgies” rarely take place. It is mostly one-on-one activity. It is the same kind of anonymous activity that would take place in a park, a truck-stop restroom, an adult bookstore or a frisky locker room. The only difference is that in a bathhouse you are safe from harassment and discovery [and possibly arrest].

How do I fend off unwanted touching, advancements or passes?

In bathhouses almost all “acceptance” and “rejection” is done without speaking. Everything is done through body language and eye-contact. If someone comes and sits next to you in the steam room and you pick up the “signals” that they are going to make a pass [and you’re not interested] you simply “close-up” your body language, avoid eye contact or get up and walk away. Most guys will take the hint and leave you alone.

And if someone doesn’t take the hint, there is no need to be angry or rude. Just move their hands away and say “sorry” or “I’m on a break” or shake your head no. They will get the idea.

There will be times when you must reject others and times when others will reject you. If you have to reject someone just try to do it as nicely as possible, and if someone else rejects you try not to take it personally. Just forget it and move on to the next guy. It is part of the game and it happens to EVERYONE.

People in general are fearful of rejection and it is no different within the walls of a bathhouse. Generally, people will only approach you and make a pass if you send out "signals" you are receptive.

What if I run into someone I know?

This can be awkward. But hey, they are in the same boat as you. Most guys who see someone they know in a bathhouse play it cool and may acknowledge the other person and then proceed to “forget” it ever happened and never mention it again. If you are really afraid of running into someone you know just go to a bathhouse in the next city over.

Secrecy and anonymity is the main reason bathhouses are so popular with out--of--town visitors. When you are just visiting you can have all the sex you want and not have to worry about the repercussions [like running into your sex partners at the office].

I am “married/straight” but very curious and wouldn’t mind getting a blowjob from a guy. Are bathhouses right for me?

Bathhouses are full of “married/straight” men. They are popular because many “married/straight” men would not be comfortable going to a gay bar or disco and publicly “cruising” a guy for sex (a guy who might start asking questions or wanting a phone number). Many "married/straight" men would just like a little sexual action without all the drama, posturing and flamboyance of the gay scene. Bathhouses are just about quick [or not so quick] anonymous sex. No fuss, no muss, no names.

They are also great for the voyeur. You can just watch if you want. There is not pressure to participate if you don’t want to. And if all you want is a blow job you can always bet there will be plenty of guys willing to accommodate. Actually, that is one of the “drawbacks” of gay sex-life. There always seem to be more bottom/submissive types and never enough "tops" to go around.

Many "straight" men also go to bathhouses to get their egos boosted. Since women are more likely to be impressed by a big wallet than a big dick, many well-endowed or otherwise studly men will patronize bathhouses to get a little ego boost from being worshiped.

There is a new term to describe "straight" men who occasionally use other men for sex but would not call themselves "gay" or even "bi." They are referred to as "men on the down-low" or DL. Bathhouses are perfect for men on the down-low.

 Wikipedia: Down Low

I have a small penis. I have “a few extra pounds." I’m not exactly Tom Cruise. What if they don’t like the looks of me and won’t let me in?

Almost all 24 hour bathhouses do not discriminate because of looks (Some private sex clubs will but usually say so on their websites). In all bathhouses you will find all different body types. You are almost assured there will be people there who are in worse shape than you. Relax.

Small penis? Don’t fret. You don’t need to show anyone anything. Just stay wrapped up in your towel until you feel comfortable letting all hang out. You will always remain in control of who sees what.

If I find one of the staff workers attractive can I make a pass at him?

NO. The staff on duty are always off limits. It would be in very poor taste to make a pass or a lewd gesture to a bathhouse worker. In some places if a worker is caught having sex with a customer they are immediately fired.

What do I wear? Can I leave my street clothes on?

You can wear anything you want to enter a bathhouse because once inside you will shed your clothes and only wear a towel. Once inside you cannot remain in street clothes and cruise the joint, that would be in bad form and most bathhouses have  strict rules against it. Occasionally someone may remain in their underwear [but a jockstrap would be better] and sometimes a guy with an unsightly chest may keep a tee-shirt on, but by-and-large 99% of the guys are totally nude except for a towel. Most guys simply go barefoot, but flip-flops or beach sandals are acceptable.

If you choose to wear underwear and/or street shoes while inside you will more than likely be seen as an amateur.

Do different bathhouses attract different "types" of men like bars do? [Daddies, twinks, gym bunnies]

YES. The division may not be as extreme as with bars, but different bathhouses definitely attract slightly different clientele. Some may be skewered towards older men, daddies and trolls. While others are primarily twinks and gym bunnies.

Some have variations due to geography. Bathhouses near ethnic neighborhoods may have more blacks, Latinos or Asians. While bathhouses near downtowns may get more after work businessmen. Bathhouses in tourist areas [like Vegas] will get every conceivable type of man.

Some bathhouses may have a different clientele based on what time of day you go. Generally, older, more conservative men will go in the daytime while young pretty boys will go out on weekends at 3 in the morning.

One trick I have learned for when I'm in the mood for young man, is to sleep in the afternoon or early evening, and then go out at 1,2 or 3 in the morning. Many bathhouses really come alive after the bars and dance clubs close.

Basically, you just need to experiment a little with when and where you go to find the scene that suits you.

I went to a bathhouse once and there was nobody there but me and a few trolls. What gives?

There is nothing more frustrating than being horny and shelling out good money to enter a bathhouse and finding the place practically empty. Some bathhouses have good "afternoon" crowds while others are virtually  empty during daylight hours. If the bathhouse has a parking lot, usually how full it is is an indicator of how many men are inside. Another indicator is an outdoor patio or pool. If a bathhouse has one [in a warm climate area] it will tend to have more daytime action than a bathhouse that does not.

Probably the busiest time for most bathhouses is Friday and Saturday nights after midnight. "After midnight" because earlier in the evening the majority of men are out socializing.

I'm fat. Do the towels only come in one size?

Many bathhouses have towels in multiple sizes. Besides regular size there is extra-long for the fat guys and extra narrow for the bubble butt skinnys that like to wear them short like a mini-skirt. If the attendant is not real observant he may not give you an "extra long" automatically. You may have to ask for it.

Are there transsexuals?

There may be some extremely effeminate men but rarely [if ever] do you ever come across anything that looks like a female.

How kinky do things get? Are there leather dungeons?

There are always exceptions to everything, but generally speaking [99% of the time] you will only encounter regular nude men wrapped in towels. There is very little "costuming" such as leather, cowboy outfits or female drag. Generally, [again, always exceptions] you will not find "dungeons" or S&M stuff. The most shocking thing you may come across is a sling room. There may be "mazes" which are like rat mazes for humans with little rooms or glory holes in which men can cruise in relative darkness.

Most sexual activity [at least that which takes place "in public"] is mainstream fucking and sucking. Nothing too shocking. What takes place behind closed doors [inside a cubicle] is between you and your partner.

Some bathhouses may have "theme nights" like "Leather Night" or "Latin Night" or have a night were members of a certain kink community can get together [like water sports]. But these activities usually do not encompass the whole facility nor all of the customers. They will probably confine their activities to only one room or area of the facility and only a portion of the patrons will participate.

If you are interested in a specific kink such as transsexuals, water sports, fisting or leather you would probably be more likely to find people with similar interests in online chat groups or online personals. It is online where many "private parties" are organized around specific fetishes.

Are there hustlers and male prostitutes who will ask for money?

Generally speaking, NO. In North America and Europe it would be rare since most patrons can have sex with each other for free there is no need for prostitution. In some countries however [such as Brazil] many bathhouses [but not all] may be fronts for male prostitution and money will be expected for sex. In many Asian countries, bathhouses are basically "massage parlors" and money is required for a "massage."

In bathhouses, some men will hold up small bottles to their noses and inhale. Sort of like sniffing glue. What is that about?

For a full explanation please see this page:
A word about Poppers

A bathhouse I want to go to says it has a "gym." Should I bring my gym bag and gym clothes so I can workout in between "workouts?"

Not so fast. Although some bathhouses do indeed have full gyms that you can actually workout in, many [perhaps most] only have gym equipment for "show" and no one is really expected to make use of it. Bathhouses are sometimes forced to add "gym" equipment so that they can legally call themselves a "gym" or "health club." This is done primarily to get around city codes and ordinances that may prohibit "sex clubs and bathhouses."

Another problem is that the lockers in many bathhouses may simply not be large enough to hold a gym bag. In fact, some places actually PROHIBIT gym bags and luggage altogether.

The prohibition against gym bags stems from illicit drug sales. At one time, bathhouses were something of a "safe harbor" for illicit drug sales. A young man would rent a room and bring in a gym bag full of drugs and proceed to make sales in the relative safety of the bathhouse [sometimes giving kickbacks to the management].

But times have changed and law enforcement has gotten wise to this practice. With the threat of having their business licenses revoked, many bathhouses now prohibit backpacks, gym bags and luggage. The rules vary from place to place. Ironically, some bathhouses may advertise "gym" facilities and also have a prohibition against gym bags.

So before you bring your gym clothes:

  • Be sure the "gym" is legitimate
  • Be sure your bag will fit in your locker
  • Be sure the bathhouse does not prohibit gym bags

Can you sleep in the rooms?

Sometimes yes. Usually no. It depends on how easily you can fall asleep. Usually the mattresses are very thin and short and it would be difficult to get comfortable enough to sleep. There are rarely pillows. Also most bathhouses have music playing 24/7 in addition to the moaning that may be coming from the room next door.

How much does it cost?

Typically, lockers can be rented for $10 on the low end and $25 on the high end. Rooms can go for $15 to $40. Sometimes there are "special" rooms that can go for as much as $75 on a weekend night. These may be exceptionally large rooms that have a king size bed, in room TV [porn] or perhaps even a private sling. Prices vary for the usual reasons: time of day, level of demand, level of service, location.

At some locations [not all] there may be an additional charge for a "membership." You may have to shell out an additional fee that can range from $1 to $20 [or more] for a "membership" card that may last anywhere from one day to one year. This is on top of your cost for a locker or room rental.

Sample pricing menu:

One day/one time membership: $5.00
One year membership: $20.00
 
Locker rental: $15.00
Private room rental: $25.00

In the above example, if you were planning on visiting the bathhouse only once or twice you would choose the "one day/one visit" membership. While if you were planning on visiting more than 4 times over the next year you would choose the "one year" membership.

So if you got a "one day" membership and rented a locker your total cost to enter would be $20.00. While if you got a "one year" membership and rented a room it would set you back $45.00 [and future visits would cost you $15.00 or $25.00].

Although the cost may sometimes seem high it is a pittance compared to what those poor breeder men have to pay to get some action. They may have to pay as much as $50 for some ugly street hooker to give them a blow job or as much as $100 for flowers, dinner and a movie for a "date" [who may not even put out].

For your price of admission [which usually gets you between 6 to 10 hours of time] you can have all the sex you want---limited only by your stamina and ability to find partners [eat your heart out breeders!].

Other costs to consider:
[Condoms are usually free]
  • Parking fees
  • Purchase of lube [rarely free]
  • Extra towels [$.50--$1.00 each]
  • Snack bar or vending machines
  • Douche items
  • Viagra, Cialis, Lavitra [Never use with poppers]
  • Poppers

Do bathhouses take credit cards?

Some take credit cards but many are cash only. Always be sure you have enough cash.

What kind of identification is required?

A government issued photo ID such as a driver's license, military ID or passport.

Do the bathhouses in Europe differ much from those in the USA?

Not really. The only difference I noticed on my European vacation to London and Paris [in which I patronized every single bathhouse] was that they did not offer exclusive private rental of rooms. Upon entering everyone is given a locker and then all of the rooms are "open" for everyone to use. I quickly grew to prefer this way of doing things. With guys constantly switching places there was more sexual heat and excitement. In the USA you are more likely to see the same guys in the same rooms in the same positions [boring].

Another difference is that many European bathhouses feature alcohol service [full-service bars inside the bathhouse].

I'm a total exhibitionist. Can I walk around naked or do I need to keep myself covered up with a towel?

A bathhouse is like a large locker room at the gym. Most guys keep covered out of shear modesty. But if you've got the goods by all means show it off. Walking around stark naked is totally cool. Most guys will love you for it and you will probably attract hot partners more quickly.

The only place it may not be OK is near the check-in desk. If you are near a door to the outside that swings open or you can be seen by guys through the check-in window, it would be good etiquette to keep yourself covered. But if you know you can't be seen by the outside world then let it all hang out.

I'm afraid with all the hot guys showering and strutting around that I will get an "uncontrollable erection." Is it OK to walk around a bathhouse with an erection?

YES!

I'm HIV positive. What is the etiquette for sharing this information with my partners?

Needless to say if you are going to anally penetrate your partner you should always tell them "I'm positive." You should also never ejaculate into anyone's mouth.

Condoms should always be used during anal sex even if both partners know they are positive because there is the danger of "cross infection" between different strains of the virus. "Barebacking" [anal sex without a condom] is expressly prohibited in many facilities.

It has always been my philosophy that everyone should proceed as if everyone else is infected regardless of what others may or may not tell you.

For more information please see this page:
Why you should always use condoms

Can men have sex anywhere in a bathhouse or just in certain areas?

Obviously, sex is OK in the private rooms and those areas specifically built for sex like the mazes and dark rooms. Sex is usually OK in the steam rooms and saunas and sometimes in the showers. I was scolded once for giving a guy a blow job by an outdoor pool. And it is usually discouraged in the bathrooms [leave those open for their intended purpose]. Just use common courtesy and avoid doing it where it might seem tacky.

But things vary from place to place. In some clubs the rules may be more strict than in others. Is some clubs you may have to confine your sexual encounters to the private rooms and you may be prevented from being nude in public and must keep yourself covered in a towel at all times unless you are taking a shower. The "rules" set by specific clubs are usually the result of city codes and laws that vary tremendously from city to city. Ironically, the laws in liberal places such as New York can be extremely strict while the laws in bible-belt states like Texas can be more liberal [don't fence me in!]

Pee-Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) was arrested for "lewd conduct" in a Florida porn theater. George Michael was arrested for "lewd conduct" in a Beverly Hills bathroom. Could I be arrested for "lewd conduct" in a bathhouse?

Some bathhouses are licensed as "sexual encounter businesses" while others are merely "health clubs" that operate under the city's radar. Public sex in a "sexual encounter business" is perfectly OK and you are given the same "expectation of privacy" you would have in your own home. In other situations the law is more gray.

If the city officials really had a problem with a bathhouse they would more than likely make trouble for the business owners rather than going after the customers.

So theoretically it is possible to get busted in a bathhouse and it did occur regularly in the past. But in today's world of gay rights and lawsuits it would be very, very unlikely.

Why do some bathhouses have porn everywhere while others have none at all?

Again, it goes back to the back to the individual city codes and their enforcement. Some cities allow businesses to be licensed as "adult" establishments and tolerate the display of adult films while other cities have such restrictive laws that they make it virtually impossible to show porn legally.

In other cases, the bathhouse may officially be licensed as a "health club" and fear that if they show porn it might get them in trouble.

Why are bathhouses always so hard to find?

Unlike sex venues that cater to heterosexual men, which may have garishly painted buildings and giant signage that screams "LIVE NUDE GIRLS," bathhouses typically have very discreet signage if they have any signage at all.

It is important that you get the address correct when trying to find a new bathhouse because typically all you will find is a simple unmarked building with a plain unmarked door. Sometimes they don't even post the address numbers!

One gentlemen told me he walked by a bathhouse everyday for years and never realized what it was until he found the address on this website.

Bathhouses do this because they don't want to advertise their presence to non-gays who would make trouble for the business or who would be offended by the notion of a "gay sex club" right in their neighborhood.

In order to find a bathhouse you must look to the web, gay travel guides or local gay magazines.

Typical bathhouse front entrance: no windows, no signage. On top is Melrose Spa in Los Angeles and below is Steamworks in Oakland.

I wish to remain anonymous. Is there any danger in giving my name to the attendant when I check in?

NO. When you show your ID at the front window of a bathhouse your name and date-of-birth are captured and held on a computer file. This information is used to uniquely identify you on future visits and is never shared with anyone.

This "membership database" is basically used to keep out troublemakers. If someone were to break the posted rules of the club such as: drug dealing, intoxication, destruction of property, prostitution, stealing, harassment of customers etc. then that person would be banned from entering the club again. Either for limited time [such as one year] or, if the offense is bad enough, for life.

What is the difference between a "bathhouse" and a "sex club?"

  • Sex clubs may not have any "private" rooms and all sexual activity must take place "in public."
  • Sex clubs are more likely to cater to specific fetishes such as water sports, leather, S&M, transsexuals etc...
  • Some sex clubs are for heterosexuals.
  • Sex clubs are more likely to have admission restrictions such as age or weight [or looks in general] or require a "reference" from a current member.
  • Some sex clubs may have "dress codes" such as leather, jocks, jeans, latex etc...
  • Sex clubs may be attached to another business such as a bar, dance club or adult sex shop. The sex club may be a dark "backroom" with a maze or labyrinth full of cubicles and partitions.
  • Sex clubs may allow people to remain clothed while inside and are less likely to have "wet" areas such as showers, Jacuzzis, steam rooms and saunas.

Are bathhouses a good place to find romance, relationships, boyfriends or lovers?

NO. Of course romance could potentially happen anywhere but in terms of playing the odds you would be better off looking for romance in bars or other social settings. Most guys at bathhouses are single-mindedly focused on sex. Many of the guys found at bathhouses are either straight/married or gay/married and are looking to take a break from their relationships, not to find new ones. Look for love elsewhere.

I'm under 18. What are my options?

In order to enter a bathhouse your must meet the "age of consent" in your nation or state. In the USA this is usually 18 while in other countries, such as Great Britain, it may be as low as 16. Bathhouses always check identification very carefully so fake ID's are a bad idea. If you want to go to a bathhouse but are unsure what the minimum age is just call or email and ask them point blank "what is the minimum age for entry?"

If you are too young for entry in your area another option for having a "bathhouse-type" experience is public gyms and health clubs. Some gyms have setups where the steam room, sauna, showers and hot tubs are all located completely within the men's locker room. Without women present men are free to walk around naked and linger and the atmosphere can become quite sexually charged. Most gyms have "day passes" that allow you to use the facilities for the day without having to buy a costly membership. Usually the cost is between $10 and $20.

Bathhouses owe their roots to health clubs, Turkish baths and "men's clubs" like the YMCA. In the early days, YMCA's basically served as bathhouses for hordes of men and some even had private rooms for rent! For more bathhouse history please see this page: Bathhouse Evolution

If you are underage, even though you may be ready, willing and able to have sex, please use public gyms just for looking and not touching. If a man is caught in a sex act with a minor [even though you may have welcomed it] he can be sent to prison and his life destroyed. Please just look and confine your sex life to young men very, very close to your own age. But, once you reach the magic age of 18, I can't think of a better birthday present to give yourself than a trip to the bathhouse!

You can locate these "sexy" gyms and heath clubs by looking on  Cruising Gays.com. For more information about Cruising Gays.com please see the Q&A below.

I love Bathhouse Addict! But where can I find more detailed information about specific bathhouses?

Yes, Bathhouse Addict is wonderful, isn't it. But, alas, your host [Towel Boy] has limited web-building skills and can do little more than offer you the basic name and address information. A good site for customer reviews and feedback about individual bathhouses is Cruising Gays.com.

For more information about Cruising Gays.com  please see this page: Other Online Bathhouse Guides

I'm shy. I'm nervous. I'm afraid.

If you are shy, scared and intimidated about your first venture into a bathhouse you are placing too much pressure on yourself. You should not think about it as a place where you are going to be judged or where you are going to be under pressure to "perform" or do things you don't want to do.

The appeal of bathhouses is not simply one of sexual exploits but also one of RELAXATION. For your first visit you should approach it as if it were a relaxing day at the spa. You are going to go in and simply relax. Sit in the hot tub, take a steam and sauna, lounge by the pool or on the patio, read a magazine, relax and observe.

On many occasions I have visited bathhouses without any expectation of sexual activity. It is fun just to "hang out," lounge around, cat nap, watch movies. It is exciting watching beautiful men walk around naked, swim and take showers. Don't place pressure on yourself that you must make something "happen." Go in with the frame of mind of exploration and relaxation.

Then, once you have relaxed and gotten over your nervousness, you can push the envelope a little further.

All I want is a blowjob. All I want is a hand-job. I just want it look and not touch. Is kissing OK?

Since I began hosting this website I have gotten many private emails from men who are:

  • Young & inexperienced
  • Straight or bi-curious
  • Timid and shy

Usually they are afraid that they will be thought of as "strange" because don't want to do much. All they may want is some simple touching, kissing, blowjob or perhaps they simply want to watch. They fear that if they don't return the touching or blowjob or if they decline to go further that they will hurt or insult their partner.

Fear not. I can promise you no one will think you are strange in the least. Everyone has kinks and fetishes [even if your kink is you don't want to do much] and almost all gays with at least a few dozen notches on their belts understand this completely.

Other guys may have a very specific kink [usually very tame] and ask me if they will be able to find a Yin to their Yang. The answer to this is----who knows?

Part of the thrill and excitement of bathhouses is "you never know what you're going to get."

Each bathhouse is different. Each crowd is different. Each partner is different. There have been times when the stars aligned against me and I never clicked with anyone. There have be times I won the lottery and lived out my fantasies. That is part of the addiction! "You never know what you're going to get!"

As you approach a bathhouse you will feel a mixture of anxiety [what if I strike out?] and exhilaration [hot times ahead!] The possibility that "anything could happen" is what makes bathhouses so exciting. You may find a Yin to your Yang----but maybe not [but maybe next time!]

OK. You talked me into it. I’m ready to lose my bathhouse virginity. Where do I begin and what exactly will happen?

1.  Use this website and pick a bathhouse you think will suit you. Remember: bathhouses vary greatly in their size and scope. Some are large, clean and wonderful & some are small, dark and depressing. Some can be quite active during the daytime while others are only busy at night.

2.  For bathhouses in the USA you will need to show some type of Photo ID to prove you are over 18 years of age. Even if you are 80 you will still need to show ID. You will probably be asked to sign some type of “membership agreement” or “liability waiver." This is a mere formality that states you will abide by the “club rules” and/or not sue the bathhouse if you are injured.

3.  You may be given the choice of a “room” or “locker." Some bathhouses do not have private areas where two men [who both only have lockers] can get together in private. Bathhouses do this to try and force you to pay more for a room. If it is your first time you may want to splurge and get a room or you can just get a locker and have a look around the place first. Most bathhouses let you change your mind and actively encourage people with lockers to “upgrade” to a room once inside. The “rooms," by the way, are usually nothing more than office cubicles with mattresses in them.

4.  Some bathhouses have safety deposit boxes that you can store your valuables in. It is very wise to take advantage of these and to stow anything you can’t afford to have stolen. Some places REQUIRE that you put "something of value" into the safety deposit box [such as your ID, a wristwatch or some money]. This is done to insure that you will "checkout" [and return their key] before you leave.

5.  Once inside, find your locker or room (not always easy) and get completely undressed and wrap yourself in a towel. Lock your locker and put the key around your wrist. You are now ready to cruise the joint and look for some action or just take a steam or Jacuzzi and relax. Welcome to the world of the Bathhouse Addict.

Alright men! Hit the showers . . . .


 

 
               
               
               
               
               

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