Bathhouse Virgin FAQ's
What exactly is a bathhouse anyway?
A bathhouse is
a private club where gay and bi-sexual men can relax and unwind.
Most clubs usually have the elements of a locker room, showers, steam & sauna
facilities, hot tubs and private cubicles where sexual activity can
take place free from the hassles of the outside world.
Bathhouses are also called:
baths, steam baths, tubs, clubs and sauna clubs. In Europe they may be called "hammams"
which is a Turkish word that means "steam bath." Occasionally the
word "thermas" is used which is derived from a term the ancient
Romans used for their public baths.
Are all bathhouses the same?
Positively not! The facilities and level of service
at different bathhouses can vary greatly. Some are quite large and
elaborate containing full gyms, swimming pools, outdoor patios, game
rooms, TV lounges and even small café’s. Some contain 100’s of
lockers or 100’s of rooms and can be very clean and well maintained.
Other clubs are small, dirty, dreary and, frankly, not worth the
effort. Every club, including clubs within the same “chain," can
vary dramatically in size, scope and level of sexual heat.
I am afraid of getting in over my head. I’m not a
“gay orgy” type of guy.
First off, “orgies” rarely take place. It is mostly
one-on-one activity. It is the same kind of anonymous activity that
would take place in a park, a truck-stop restroom, an adult
bookstore or a frisky
locker room. The only difference is that in a bathhouse you are safe from
harassment and discovery [and possibly arrest].
How do I fend off unwanted
touching, advancements or passes?
In bathhouses almost all “acceptance” and “rejection”
is done without speaking. Everything is done through body language
and eye-contact. If someone comes and sits next to you in the steam
room and you pick up the “signals” that they are going
to make a pass [and you’re not interested] you simply “close-up” your
body language, avoid eye contact or get up and walk away. Most guys
will take the hint and leave you alone.
And if someone doesn’t take the hint, there is no need to be angry or rude. Just move their hands
away and say “sorry” or “I’m on a break” or shake your head no. They
will get the idea.
will be times when you must reject others and times when others will
reject you. If you have to reject someone just try to do it as nicely as possible, and
if someone else rejects you try not to take it personally. Just forget it and move on to
the next guy. It is part of the game and it happens to EVERYONE.
People in general are fearful of rejection and it is
no different within the walls of a bathhouse. Generally, people will
only approach you and make a pass if you send out "signals" you are
What if I run into someone I know?
This can be awkward. But hey, they are in the same
boat as you. Most guys who see someone they know in a bathhouse play
it cool and may acknowledge the other person and then proceed to
“forget” it ever happened and never mention it again. If you are really afraid of running
into someone you know just go to a bathhouse in the next city over.
Secrecy and anonymity is the
main reason bathhouses are so popular with out--of--town visitors.
When you are just visiting you can have all the sex you want and not
have to worry about the repercussions [like running into your sex
partners at the office].
I am “married/straight” but very curious and wouldn’t
mind getting a blowjob from a guy. Are bathhouses right for me?
Bathhouses are full of “married/straight” men. They
are popular because many “married/straight” men would not be
comfortable going to a gay bar or disco and publicly “cruising” a
guy for sex (a guy who might start asking questions or wanting a
phone number). Many "married/straight" men would just like a little sexual
action without all the drama, posturing and flamboyance of the gay
Bathhouses are just about quick [or not so quick] anonymous sex. No fuss, no muss,
They are also great for the voyeur.
You can just watch if you want. There is not pressure to participate
if you don’t want to. And if all you want is a blow job you can
always bet there will be plenty of guys willing to accommodate.
Actually, that is one of the “drawbacks” of gay sex-life. There
always seem to be more bottom/submissive types and never
enough "tops" to go around.
Many "straight" men also go to
bathhouses to get their egos boosted. Since women are more likely to
be impressed by a big wallet than a big dick, many well-endowed or
otherwise studly men will patronize bathhouses to get a little ego
boost from being worshiped.
There is a new term to describe
"straight" men who occasionally use other men for sex but would not
call themselves "gay" or even "bi." They are referred to as "men on
the down-low" or DL. Bathhouses are perfect for men on
I have a small penis. I have “a few extra pounds."
I’m not exactly Tom Cruise. What if they don’t like the looks of me and won’t let me in?
Almost all 24 hour bathhouses do not discriminate
because of looks (Some private sex clubs will but usually say so on
their websites). In all bathhouses you will find all different body
types. You are almost assured there will be people there who are in
worse shape than you. Relax.
Small penis? Don’t fret. You don’t need to show
anyone anything. Just stay wrapped up in your towel until you feel
comfortable letting all hang out. You will always remain in control
of who sees what.
If I find one of the staff
workers attractive can I make a pass at him?
NO. The staff on duty are
always off limits. It would be in very poor taste to make a pass or
a lewd gesture to a bathhouse worker. In some places if a worker is
caught having sex with a customer they are immediately fired.
What do I wear? Can I leave my
street clothes on?
You can wear anything you want to
enter a bathhouse because once inside you will shed your clothes and
only wear a towel. Once inside you cannot remain in street clothes
and cruise the joint, that would be in bad form and most bathhouses
have strict rules against it. Occasionally someone may remain
in their underwear [but a jockstrap would be better] and sometimes a
guy with an unsightly chest may keep a tee-shirt on, but
by-and-large 99% of the guys are totally nude except for a towel.
Most guys simply go barefoot, but flip-flops or beach sandals are
If you choose to wear underwear
and/or street shoes while inside you will more than likely be seen
as an amateur.
Do different bathhouses attract
different "types" of men like bars do? [Daddies, twinks, gym
YES. The division may not be as
extreme as with bars, but different bathhouses definitely attract
slightly different clientele. Some may be skewered towards older
men, daddies and trolls. While others are primarily twinks and gym
Some have variations due to
geography. Bathhouses near ethnic neighborhoods may have more
blacks, Latinos or Asians. While bathhouses near downtowns may get
more after work businessmen. Bathhouses in tourist areas
[like Vegas] will get every conceivable type of man.
Some bathhouses may have a
different clientele based on what time of day you go. Generally,
older, more conservative men will go in the daytime while young
pretty boys will go out on weekends at 3 in the morning.
One trick I have learned for when
I'm in the mood for young man, is to sleep in the afternoon or early
evening, and then go out at 1,2 or 3 in the morning. Many bathhouses
really come alive after the bars and dance clubs close.
Basically, you just need to
experiment a little with when and where you go to find the scene
that suits you.
I went to a bathhouse once and
there was nobody there but me and a few trolls. What gives?
There is nothing more frustrating
than being horny and shelling out good money to enter a bathhouse
and finding the place practically empty. Some bathhouses have good
"afternoon" crowds while others are virtually empty during
daylight hours. If the bathhouse has a parking lot, usually how full
it is is an indicator of how many men are inside. Another indicator
is an outdoor patio or pool. If a bathhouse has one [in a warm
climate area] it will tend to have more daytime action than a
bathhouse that does not.
Probably the busiest time for
most bathhouses is Friday and Saturday nights after midnight. "After
midnight" because earlier in the evening the majority of men are out
I'm fat. Do the towels only
come in one size?
Many bathhouses have towels in
multiple sizes. Besides regular size there is extra-long for the fat guys and extra narrow for the bubble butt skinnys that
like to wear them short like a mini-skirt. If the attendant is not
real observant he may not give you an "extra long" automatically.
You may have to ask for it.
Are there transsexuals?
There may be some extremely
effeminate men but rarely [if ever] do you ever come across anything that
looks like a female.
How kinky do things get? Are
there leather dungeons?
There are always exceptions to
everything, but generally speaking [99% of the time] you will only
encounter regular nude men wrapped in towels. There is very little
"costuming" such as leather, cowboy outfits or female drag.
Generally, [again, always exceptions] you will not find "dungeons"
or S&M stuff. The most shocking thing you may come across is a sling
room. There may be "mazes" which are like rat mazes for
humans with little
rooms or glory holes in which men can cruise in relative darkness.
Most sexual activity [at least
that which takes place "in public"] is mainstream fucking and
sucking. Nothing too shocking. What takes place behind closed doors
[inside a cubicle] is between you and your partner.
Some bathhouses may have "theme
nights" like "Leather Night" or "Latin Night" or have a night were
members of a certain kink community can get together [like water
sports]. But these activities usually do not encompass the whole
facility nor all of the customers. They will probably confine their
activities to only one room or area of the facility and only a
portion of the patrons will participate.
If you are interested in a
specific kink such as transsexuals, water sports, fisting or leather
you would probably be more likely to find people with similar
interests in online chat groups or online personals. It is online
where many "private parties" are organized around specific fetishes.
Are there hustlers and male
prostitutes who will ask for money?
Generally speaking, NO. In North
America and Europe it would be rare since most patrons can have sex
with each other for free there is no need for prostitution. In some
countries however [such as Brazil] many bathhouses [but not all] may
be fronts for male prostitution and money will be expected for sex. In many Asian
countries, bathhouses are basically "massage parlors" and money is
required for a "massage."
In bathhouses, some men will hold
up small bottles to their noses and inhale. Sort of like sniffing
glue. What is that about?
For a full explanation please
see this page:
A word about Poppers
A bathhouse I want to go to says
it has a "gym." Should I bring my gym bag and gym clothes so I can
workout in between "workouts?"
Not so fast. Although some
bathhouses do indeed have full gyms that you can actually workout
in, many [perhaps most] only have gym equipment for "show" and no
one is really expected to make use of it. Bathhouses are sometimes
forced to add "gym" equipment so that they can legally call
themselves a "gym" or "health club." This is done primarily to get
around city codes and ordinances that may prohibit "sex clubs and
Another problem is that the
lockers in many bathhouses may simply not be large enough to hold a gym bag. In fact, some
places actually PROHIBIT gym bags and
The prohibition against gym bags
stems from illicit drug sales. At one time, bathhouses were
something of a "safe harbor" for illicit drug sales. A young man
would rent a room and bring in a gym bag full of drugs and proceed
to make sales in the relative safety of the bathhouse [sometimes
giving kickbacks to the management].
But times have changed and law
enforcement has gotten wise to this practice. With the threat of
having their business licenses revoked, many bathhouses now prohibit
backpacks, gym bags and luggage. The rules vary from place to place.
Ironically, some bathhouses may advertise "gym" facilities and also
have a prohibition against gym bags.
So before you bring your gym
- Be sure the "gym" is
- Be sure your bag will fit in
- Be sure the bathhouse does
not prohibit gym bags
Can you sleep in the rooms?
Sometimes yes. Usually no. It
depends on how easily you can fall asleep. Usually the mattresses
are very thin and short and it would be difficult to get comfortable
enough to sleep. There are rarely pillows. Also most bathhouses have
music playing 24/7 in addition to the moaning that may be coming
from the room next door.
How much does it cost?
Typically, lockers can be rented
for $10 on the low end and $25 on the high end. Rooms can go for $15
to $40. Sometimes there are "special" rooms that can go for as much
as $75 on a weekend night. These may be exceptionally large rooms
that have a king size bed, in room TV [porn] or perhaps even a
private sling. Prices vary for the usual reasons: time of day, level
of demand, level of service, location.
At some locations [not all] there
may be an additional charge for a "membership." You may have to
shell out an additional fee that can range from $1 to $20 [or more]
for a "membership" card that may last anywhere from one day to one
year. This is on top of your cost for a locker or room rental.
Sample pricing menu:
One day/one time membership:
One year membership: $20.00
Locker rental: $15.00
Private room rental: $25.00
In the above example, if you were
planning on visiting the bathhouse only once or twice you would
choose the "one day/one visit" membership. While if you were
planning on visiting more than 4 times over the next year you would
choose the "one year" membership.
So if you got a "one day"
membership and rented a locker your total cost to enter would be
$20.00. While if you got a "one year" membership and rented a room
it would set you back $45.00 [and future visits would cost you
$15.00 or $25.00].
Although the cost may sometimes
seem high it is a pittance compared to what those poor breeder men
have to pay to get some action. They may have to pay as much as $50
for some ugly street hooker to give them a blow job or as much as
$100 for flowers, dinner and a movie for a "date" [who may not even
For your price of admission
[which usually gets you between 6 to 10 hours of time] you can have
all the sex you want---limited only by your stamina and ability to
find partners [eat your heart
Other costs to consider:
are usually free]
- Parking fees
- Purchase of lube [rarely
- Extra towels [$.50--$1.00
- Snack bar or vending
- Douche items
- Viagra, Cialis, Lavitra
[Never use with poppers]
Do bathhouses take credit
Some take credit cards but many
are cash only. Always be sure you have enough cash.
What kind of identification is
A government issued photo ID such
as a driver's license, military ID or passport.
Do the bathhouses in Europe
differ much from those in the USA?
Not really. The only difference I
noticed on my European vacation to London and Paris [in which I
patronized every single bathhouse] was that they did not offer
exclusive private rental of rooms. Upon entering everyone is given a
locker and then all of the rooms are "open" for everyone to use. I
quickly grew to prefer this way of doing things. With guys
constantly switching places there was more sexual heat and
excitement. In the USA you are more likely to see the same guys in
the same rooms in the same positions [boring].
Another difference is that many
European bathhouses feature alcohol service [full-service bars
inside the bathhouse].
I'm a total exhibitionist. Can
I walk around naked or do I need to keep myself covered up with a
A bathhouse is like a large
locker room at the gym. Most guys keep covered out of shear modesty.
But if you've got the goods by all means show it off. Walking around
stark naked is totally cool. Most guys will love you for it and you
will probably attract hot partners more quickly.
The only place it may not be OK
is near the check-in desk. If you are near a door to the outside
that swings open or you can be seen by guys through the check-in
window, it would be good etiquette to keep yourself covered. But if
you know you can't be seen by the outside world then let it all
I'm afraid with all the hot
guys showering and strutting around that I will get an
"uncontrollable erection." Is it OK to walk around a bathhouse with
I'm HIV positive. What is the
etiquette for sharing this information with my partners?
Needless to say if you are going
to anally penetrate your partner you should always tell them "I'm
positive." You should also never ejaculate into anyone's mouth.
Condoms should always be used
during anal sex even if both partners know they are positive because
there is the danger of "cross infection" between different strains
of the virus. "Barebacking" [anal sex without a condom] is expressly
prohibited in many facilities.
It has always been my philosophy
that everyone should proceed as if everyone else is infected
regardless of what others may or may not tell you.
For more information please see
Why you should always use condoms
Can men have sex anywhere in a
bathhouse or just in certain areas?
Obviously, sex is OK in the
private rooms and those areas specifically built for sex like the
mazes and dark rooms. Sex is usually OK in the steam rooms and
saunas and sometimes in the showers. I was scolded once for giving a
guy a blow job by an outdoor pool. And it is usually discouraged in
the bathrooms [leave those open for their intended purpose]. Just use common courtesy and avoid doing
it where it might seem tacky.
But things vary from place to
place. In some clubs the rules may be more strict than in others. Is
some clubs you may have to confine your sexual encounters to the
private rooms and you may be prevented from being nude in public and
must keep yourself covered in a towel at all times unless you are
taking a shower. The "rules" set by specific clubs are
usually the result of city codes and laws that vary tremendously
from city to city. Ironically, the laws in liberal places such as
New York can be extremely strict while the laws in bible-belt states
like Texas can be more liberal [don't fence me in!]
Pee-Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) was
arrested for "lewd conduct" in a Florida porn theater. George
Michael was arrested for "lewd conduct" in a Beverly Hills bathroom.
Could I be arrested for "lewd conduct" in a bathhouse?
Some bathhouses are licensed as
"sexual encounter businesses" while others are merely "health clubs"
that operate under the city's radar. Public sex in a "sexual
encounter business" is perfectly OK and you are given the same
"expectation of privacy" you would have in your own home. In other
situations the law is more gray.
If the city officials really had
a problem with a bathhouse they would more than likely make trouble
for the business owners rather than going after the customers.
So theoretically it is possible
to get busted in a bathhouse and it did occur regularly in the past.
But in today's world of gay rights and lawsuits it would be very,
Why do some bathhouses have
porn everywhere while others have none at all?
Again, it goes back to the back
to the individual city codes and their enforcement. Some cities
allow businesses to be licensed as "adult" establishments and
tolerate the display of adult films while other cities have such
restrictive laws that they make it virtually impossible to show porn
In other cases, the bathhouse may
officially be licensed as a "health club" and fear that if they show
porn it might get them in trouble.
Why are bathhouses always so
hard to find?
Unlike sex venues that cater to
heterosexual men, which may have garishly painted buildings and
giant signage that screams "LIVE NUDE GIRLS," bathhouses typically
have very discreet signage if they have any signage at all.
important that you get the address correct when trying to find a
new bathhouse because typically all you will find is a simple
with a plain unmarked door. Sometimes they don't even post the address
One gentlemen told me he walked
by a bathhouse everyday for years and never realized what it was
until he found the address on this website.
Bathhouses do this because they
don't want to advertise their presence to non-gays who would make
trouble for the business or who would be offended by the notion of a
"gay sex club" right in their neighborhood.
In order to find a bathhouse you
must look to the web, gay travel guides or local gay magazines.
front entrance: no windows, no signage. On top is Melrose Spa in Los
Angeles and below is Steamworks in Oakland.
I wish to remain anonymous. Is
there any danger in giving my name to the attendant when
I check in?
NO. When you show your ID at the
front window of a bathhouse your name and date-of-birth are captured
and held on a computer file. This information is used to uniquely
identify you on future visits and is never shared with anyone.
This "membership database" is
basically used to keep out troublemakers. If someone were to break
the posted rules of the club such as: drug dealing, intoxication,
destruction of property, prostitution, stealing, harassment of
customers etc. then that person would be banned from entering the
club again. Either for limited time [such as one year] or, if the
offense is bad enough, for life.
What is the difference between a
"bathhouse" and a "sex club?"
- Sex clubs may not have any
"private" rooms and all sexual activity must take place "in
- Sex clubs are more likely to
cater to specific fetishes such as water sports, leather, S&M,
- Some sex clubs are for
- Sex clubs are more likely to
have admission restrictions such as age or weight [or looks in
general] or require a "reference" from a current member.
- Some sex clubs may have
"dress codes" such as leather, jocks, jeans, latex etc...
- Sex clubs may be attached to
another business such as a bar, dance club or adult sex shop. The sex club may
be a dark "backroom" with a maze or labyrinth full of cubicles
- Sex clubs may allow people
to remain clothed while inside and are less likely to have "wet"
areas such as showers, Jacuzzis, steam rooms and saunas.
Are bathhouses a good place to
find romance, relationships, boyfriends or lovers?
NO. Of course romance could
potentially happen anywhere but in terms of playing the odds you
would be better off looking for romance in bars or other
social settings. Most guys at bathhouses are single-mindedly focused
on sex. Many of the guys found at bathhouses are either
straight/married or gay/married and are looking to take a break from
their relationships, not to find new ones. Look for love elsewhere.
I'm under 18. What are my
In order to enter a bathhouse
your must meet the "age of consent" in your nation or state. In the
USA this is usually 18 while in other countries, such as Great
Britain, it may be as low as 16. Bathhouses always check
identification very carefully so fake ID's are a bad idea. If you
want to go to a bathhouse but are unsure what the minimum age is
just call or email and ask them point blank "what is the minimum age
If you are too young for entry in
your area another option for having a "bathhouse-type" experience is
public gyms and health clubs. Some gyms have setups where the steam
room, sauna, showers and hot tubs are all located completely within
the men's locker room. Without women present men are free to walk
around naked and linger and the atmosphere can become quite sexually
charged. Most gyms have "day passes" that allow you to use the
facilities for the day without having to buy a costly membership.
Usually the cost is between $10 and $20.
Bathhouses owe their roots to
health clubs, Turkish baths and "men's clubs" like the YMCA. In the early days,
YMCA's basically served as bathhouses for hordes of men and some
even had private rooms for rent! For more bathhouse history please see this page:
If you are underage, even though
you may be ready, willing and able to have sex, please use public
gyms just for looking and not touching. If a man is caught in
a sex act with a minor [even though you may have welcomed it] he can
be sent to prison and his life destroyed. Please just look
and confine your sex life to young men very, very close to your own
age. But, once you reach the magic age of 18, I can't think of a
better birthday present to give yourself than a trip to the
You can locate these "sexy" gyms
and heath clubs by looking on Cruising Gays.com. For more information about
Cruising Gays.com please see the Q&A
Bathhouse Addict! But where can I find more detailed information about specific
Yes, Bathhouse Addict is
wonderful, isn't it. But, alas, your host [Towel Boy] has limited
web-building skills and can do little more than offer you the basic
name and address information. A good site for customer reviews and
feedback about individual bathhouses is Cruising Gays.com.
For more information about
Cruising Gays.com please see this page:
Other Online Bathhouse Guides
I'm shy. I'm nervous. I'm
If you are shy, scared and
intimidated about your first venture into a bathhouse you are placing too much pressure on yourself. You should not think
about it as a place where you are going to be judged or where you
are going to be under pressure to "perform" or do things you don't
want to do.
The appeal of bathhouses is not
simply one of sexual exploits but also one of RELAXATION. For your
first visit you should approach it as if it were a relaxing day at
the spa. You are going to go in and simply relax. Sit in the hot
tub, take a steam and sauna, lounge by the pool or on the patio,
read a magazine, relax and observe.
On many occasions I have visited
bathhouses without any expectation of sexual activity. It is fun
just to "hang out," lounge around, cat nap, watch movies. It is
exciting watching beautiful men walk around naked, swim and take showers. Don't place pressure on yourself that you must make
something "happen." Go in
with the frame of mind of exploration and relaxation.
Then, once you have relaxed and gotten
over your nervousness, you can push the envelope a
All I want is a blowjob. All I
want is a hand-job. I just want it look and not touch. Is kissing
Since I began hosting this
website I have gotten many private emails from men who are:
- Young & inexperienced
- Straight or bi-curious
- Timid and shy
Usually they are afraid that they
will be thought of as "strange" because don't want to do
much. All they may want is some simple touching, kissing, blowjob or
perhaps they simply want to watch. They fear that if they don't
return the touching or blowjob or if they decline to go further that
they will hurt or insult their partner.
Fear not. I can promise you no
one will think you are strange in the least. Everyone has kinks and
fetishes [even if your kink is you don't want to do much] and
almost all gays with at least a few dozen notches on their belts
understand this completely.
Other guys may have a very
specific kink [usually very tame] and ask me if they will be able to
find a Yin to their Yang. The answer to this is----who knows?
Part of the thrill and excitement
of bathhouses is "you never know what you're going to get."
Each bathhouse is different. Each
crowd is different. Each partner is different. There have been times
when the stars aligned against me and I never clicked with anyone.
There have be times I won the lottery and lived out my fantasies.
That is part of the addiction! "You never know what you're going to
As you approach a bathhouse you
will feel a mixture of anxiety [what if I strike out?] and
exhilaration [hot times ahead!] The possibility that "anything could
happen" is what makes bathhouses so exciting. You may find a Yin to
your Yang----but maybe not [but maybe next time!]
OK. You talked me into it. I’m ready to lose my
bathhouse virginity. Where do I begin and what exactly will happen?
this website and pick a bathhouse you think will suit you. Remember:
bathhouses vary greatly in their size and scope. Some are large,
clean and wonderful & some are small, dark and depressing. Some can be quite
active during the daytime while others are only busy at night.
bathhouses in the USA you will need to show some type of Photo ID to
prove you are over 18 years of age. Even if you are 80 you will
still need to show ID. You will probably be asked to sign some type
of “membership agreement” or “liability waiver." This is a mere
formality that states you will abide by the “club rules” and/or not
sue the bathhouse if you are injured.
may be given the choice of a “room” or “locker." Some bathhouses do
not have private areas where two men [who both only have lockers]
can get together in private.
Bathhouses do this to try and force you to pay more for a room. If
it is your first time you may want to splurge and get a room or you
can just get a locker and have a look around the place first. Most
bathhouses let you change your mind and actively encourage people
with lockers to “upgrade” to a room once inside. The “rooms," by the way, are usually nothing more
than office cubicles with mattresses in them.
4. Some bathhouses have safety deposit boxes that you can store your
valuables in. It is very wise to take advantage of these and to stow
anything you can’t afford to have stolen. Some places REQUIRE that
you put "something of value" into the safety deposit box [such as
your ID, a wristwatch or some money]. This is done to insure that
you will "checkout" [and return their key] before you leave.
5. Once inside, find your locker or room (not always easy) and get
completely undressed and wrap yourself in a towel. Lock your locker
and put the key around your wrist. You are now ready to cruise the
joint and look for some action or just take a steam or Jacuzzi and
relax. Welcome to the world of the Bathhouse Addict.
Alright men! Hit the showers
. . . .